We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story

Sometimes people remember movies very fondly and gloss over it’s errors riding high on their nostalgia. Some here at At Least You Tried had this happen with We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, insisting this movie was great without having seen it recently (Rhymes with Jake). Well after seeing it this week….Meh

The movie isn’t the worst we’ve seen but it definitely isn’t GOOD

For starters why are herbivore dinosaurs eating hotdogs? Why is cereal the plot device that makes our heroes smart? and could we make our villain any more villainous? He’s a spooky magician that only talks about fear and signs blood contracts (no joke) with children.

This movie also hasn’t aged well. Where as your average Disney film has a plot that stays with you years after you’ve seen it We’re Back! has the loosest of plots that involves getting dinosaurs to a museum but also orphans that want to join the circus and a radio that hears the wishes of children?

Much like the dinosaurs in this film, this movie might just be best left in the past.


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Foodfight!

It should be abundantly clear at this point that us here at At Least You Tried don’t like ourselves… That is the only logical explanation for why we willingly watched Foodfight!. Most of us have seen this “movie” multiple times. We clearly hate ourselves.

Where to begin? This movie is the biggest bomb we’ve ever reviewed, not just because it’s trash but also this movie was doomed financially from the start. The computer the movie was being created on was stolen decently far into it’s development and they had no back ups at all. Rather than just call it quits they decided to start over from scratch and redo EVERYTHING. I mean why wouldn’t you when you have a film that is guaranteed Oscar bait like Foodfight? In the end this film cost them $45,000,000 to make and made under $75,000.

All that aside, this film is an exercise in insanity. An adventure in a grocery store where all the brand icons you know and love have to team up to stop the evil “Brand X” products from taking over the store. The premise is simple enough but it goes off the deep end when you factor in that this film includes:
– A Brand X icon that is simply just a woman who dresses in fetish gear.
– Multiple adult references and innuendo using food puns
– No joke Nazi references. No hyperbole, no joke Nazi references. We get goose stepping Brand X goons that say they want to get rid of “Inferior brands” all while wearing Nazi uniforms with an X instead of a swastika

This really is a seeing is believing experience so join us this week as we repeatedly ask ourselves “How did this possibly get approved?” and sit down and watch Foodfight!

Foodfight! stars Charlie Sheen, Wayne Brady, Hilary Duff, and Eva Longoria.


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Bee Movie

I’m a Bee!

With possibly the strangest plot of any movie we’ve done so far, we’re going to start off a month of animated films with Bee Movie. It’s one part rom com and one part courtroom drama, this movie doesn’t know what it wants to Bee.

The return of Jerry Seinfeld to the public eye, this movie was supposed to Bee a smash hit and they put 150 million behind it. However, unsurprisingly it flopped and they lost a lot of money on this movie. So why did it flop?

Well elephant in the room here: How is Vanessa, a human female, attracted to a bee? How does that work? How can you expect a long relationship when he’s a bee with a tiny lifespan? and do they have sex? What would that entail?
…This movie is a mess

Bee/ Human relationships and shaky plots aside, this movie is plagued with issues. It has a ton of big name stars that aren’t really used in any capacity. It was almost like they were throwing money at big name voice actors to come in and say two lines only to then disappear from the movie. Also it’s tone was really off for a movie aimed at children. Jokes about jazz and drag queens, as well as not so subtle references to slavery and gas chambers are bound to go unrecognized by kids.

Make your own judgments though and join us this week as we dive into the limitless bounty of awful jokes and bee puns that Bee Movie provides. Come see what all the buzz is about.


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White Chicks

Alex’s month of movie picks comes to a close with a movie that shows that seeing truly is believing. With special effects/ make up that look like the bastard child of The Mask and Disney World’s Hall of presidents White Chicks was especially cringe worthy.

How do our two main characters make the jump in logic from botching a protection job to thinking they can fix the situation by just taking the girls spot? How is Terry Crews possibly attracted to Marlon Wayans when he’s dressed as a woman? and possibly the most baffling question, How did this movie gross 69 million dollars?

So don’t have a BF* because it’s triple T K A** as we sit down and (unfortunately) watch White Chicks.

*Bitch Fit
** Time to totally kick ass


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Soul Plane

A large number of people are afraid of flying and we here at At Least You Tried hope at least a fraction of them view Soul Plane as the horror film it clearly is meant to be.

This week on At Least You Tried we continue our month of Alex picks with a movie that no one asked for… Soul Plane.

Why is it that Kevin Hart‘s character is screwed over by a airline and he is awarded 100 million dollars but when Mo’Nique straight up rapes a man at a TSA checkpoint he doesn’t see a dime? Is it an ongoing trope that Alex’s picks for movies ALL include multiple poop jokes? (spoiler alert: They all do) Also, Why is it that Snoop Dogg‘s character would pick a career as a pilot when he’s terrified of heights?

Let’s be honest, not a single one of these will be answered but what did you really expect?

(Side note: Jonathan is convinced this movie is in the same movie universe as Mac & Devin go to high school, any other believers?)


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Littleman

Alex gets subtle revenge on all of us again with his pick this week: Littleman.

Another trash movie that did really well in the theaters for some reason Littleman is nothing if not surprising.

How is it that NO ONE notices that this little person criminal is not actually a toddler? Are we completely passing over the fact that he has tattoos and a “scar from a knife fight”? ¬†Also who thinks it’s ok to play full contact football with a toddler? and how is finding a diamond in a poop filled diaper romantic?

This movie is a mess, but misery loves company here at ALYT so join us as we question our life choices that led us here and watch Littleman.

 


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Norbit

HOW YOU DOING?!
This week on At Least You Tried we watched Norbit, not the start of Eddie Murphy‘s downfall but a clear sign of it. There are MANY things wrong with this movie but for brevity’s sake here are a few that we couldn’t ignore

-Eddie Murphy plays an openly racist Chinese man with a whaling fascination
– Young Norbit and Kate poop together while looking longingly in each other’s eyes (No joke, that made it into the movie)
– Eddie Murphy in a fat suit as Rasputia has sex with Norbit (Also Eddie Murphy) while she is dressed as a slave in shackles and he is dressed as Abraham Lincoln to celebrate president’s day

and possibly the most outrageous THIS MOVIE MADE ALMOST 100 MILLION DOLLARS. How did it achieve this? Well your guess is as good as mine.

Join us this week as we chew this movie apart but don’t worry we saved you the best piece… The turkey ass


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Space Jam

This week on At Least You Tried Jonathan and Cat sat down and watched the 90s classic(?) Space Jam. We got up and slammed and were then welcomed to the jam.

For a movie that everyone remembers so fondly this film is definitely not without it’s flaws. Why is Lola bunny so sexualized in the movie? Why are there multiple references to movies like Pulp Fiction that kids would never catch? and why is the main villain of the movie, played by Danny DeVito 54th billed on IMDB?!

Also in this episode
– Why you should never look too hard at still frames of a movie
– Daffy Duck is Cat’s inner monologue
and
– Cat catches on that Michael Jordan‘s movie dog has a clever pun name

All this and more on this week’s episode of At Least You Tried…

Kazaam

When you’re a kid you see everything through rose tinted glasses. The world is wonderful and full of cherished memories waiting to be made. It’s only when we revisit them as adults that we can see things for how they truly are: few are gems, some are decent, but most…. most are mediocre and forgettable. This is case with Kazaam.

We decided it was time we revisit Shaquille O’Neal‘s brief stint as an actor/ rapper and god was it painful. Is it possible for Max to be a bigger pain in the ass to every other character in the movie? (It isn’t) How does “I’d like junk food from here to the sky!” translate to raining hamburgers up to your knees? and more importantly how exactly do you “Green eggs and ham it”?

Join us this week on At Least You Tried as we forget the troubles of the outside world and get lost in some trash for awhile

Side note: If you want to scare yourself check out how Francis Capra, who played Max, looks now


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Mazes and Monsters

This week Jonathan and Jake watched a little known “After school special” about the dangers of fantasy role playing called Mazes and Monsters. Why would we bother you may ask? It just happens to be Tom Hanks first leading role and it’s a fucking ridiculous ride.

Join us as we are treated to Tom Hanks slowly drifting into insanity and becoming his character “Pardue the holy man”, a child prodigy with a passion for hats, and an honest to God shanking.

A film that makes LARPing actually look kinda fun and then scary as hell.

Fun ALYT drinking game: Take a drink every time Jay Jay switches hats and succumb to alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie!


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