Mazes and Monsters

This week Jonathan and Jake watched a little known “After school special” about the dangers of fantasy role playing called Mazes and Monsters. Why would we bother you may ask? It just happens to be Tom Hanks first leading role and it’s a fucking ridiculous ride.

Join us as we are treated to Tom Hanks slowly drifting into insanity and becoming his character “Pardue the holy man”, a child prodigy with a passion for hats, and an honest to God shanking.

A film that makes LARPing actually look kinda fun and then scary as hell.

Fun ALYT drinking game: Take a drink every time Jay Jay switches hats and succumb to alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie!


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Santa’s Slay

On this very special Christmas episode of At Least You Tried we watched the holiday classic Santa’s Slay! The movie manages to kill off both Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan in the first five minutes and for that reason alone it is an instant 5 star movie.

All joking aside we LOVE this movie and highly recommend it.
Do you enjoy:
– curling
– strippers
– transformers that turn into realistic guns
– excessive word play and dick jokes
– a flying bison killed with a bazooka

If you answered yes to any or all of the above you owe it to yourself to experience this movie this holiday season. Christmas comes once a year but we’ve given you four great(?) holiday movies this month and we truly saved the best for last.

Side note: This is the second time I’ve linked our website to Chris Kattan’s IMDB profile…. What am I doing with my life?


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Jack Frost

The holiday season continues here on At Least You Tried and to celebrate we watched Jack Frost… No not that Jack Frost, the not safe to watch with your children horror comedy.

In this movie we find the answer to the age old question “Can snowmen have sex?”. Also in this episode we discuss why you shouldn’t allow your “Kissed by an angel” child to make you cookies and what the appropriate time to mourn your murdered kid is before you decide to decorate the Christmas tree.


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Krampus

The holiday season is upon us. Soon the air will smell of gingerbread, you won’t be able to avoid Christmas music on the radio, and every third channel on TV will be airing “It’s a wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story”. We here on At Least You Tried try to treat the holidays a little differently, with a month of holiday movies we love to hate… or at least that was the idea.

When we planned out this month everyone we went to said that we HAD to do an episode on Krampus and how bad the movie was but here’s the thing… We actually kinda liked it. Sure the movie is filled with gaping plot holes and questions like why is the family going to a Christmas play at a mall? Is this one family responsible for creating a polar vortex-esque event and if so is it just in their neighborhood or worldwide? and why is Max waiting until the DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS to mail his letter to Santa? (Maybe he accidentally put down Satan, that would explain a lot)

With all that said it’s actually a rather fun movie despite all it’s flaws and probably one of the more enjoyable ones we’ve reviewed so here it is, our Christmas gift to you, Krampus!

Krampus stars the lovable Adam Scott, Toni Collette, and David Koechner as well as a character voice by Seth Green.


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Thankskilling

Thanksgiving horror films are a genre not often visited… and for good reason. This week Jonathan, Anthony, and Caitlin came together and got stuffed on the abomination that is Thankskilling.

Why is a zoomed in  bouncing breast the first shot of the movie? Why is the demonic turkey only tormenting this group of teens? Is there a scene more absurd than a man dressed as a turkey having coffee with a turkey dressed as a man? Must a beloved pet die in all the movies we watch?

All these questions will be answered(?) in this weeks episode of At Least You Tried…

Also, for those of you clamoring for more Thankskilling you are in luck because they made not one but two sequels to this tire fire of a movie.


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The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

Nostalgia is a funny thing. You remember certain memories fondly and look to revisit things from your past. However that can be dangerous when you remove you rose tinted glasses and see the abomination in the light of day. Such is the Rocky Horror Picture Show remake. The original was a cult phenomena that still has a huge following to this day. So it was only natural for Fox to try and milk a little money from the movie’s popularity by creating a made for TV sanitized remake. However this movie lacks all the quirk, charm, and sexuality the original had in spades.

Why is the castle now a movie theater? If we accept that, why does the movie theater have a lab and pool? Aren’t Riffraff and Magenta siblings? So Dr. Von Scott was a black Nazi in this version? and why in the hell did you get the director of the High School Musical movies to direct Rocky Horror?

Join us this week for a strange journey…. and then proceed to subsequently forget this film. Remember kids Repress, Repress, Repress!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do the Time Warp Again stars Laverne Cox, Victoria Justice, Adam Lambert, and Tim Curry.


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Invisible Child

This week on At Least You Tried we venture into the often baffling world of Lifetime made for TV movies with quite possibly the craziest one of them all, a little film called Invisible Child. This movie is the loving story of your average American family: Father, mother, son, daughter…. and other invisible daughter that exists solely in the mom’s imagination.

Why did Victor Garber‘s character not immediately has his wife committed when she claimed to have this invisible child? On some level does Rita Wilson‘s character know she’s crazy? and does this movie share a cinematic universe with Scott Pilgrim vs the world?

Join us this week as we indulge in this made for TV masterpiece.

(A quick side note: Weren’t Lifetime movies usually about some social issue of the day, like alcoholic spouses or pill addiction? Where did this one come from? Was there a rash of cases of women with imaginary children?)


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Eight Legged Freaks

It’s a rare thing to witness birth of a star, it’s even more rare to see one implode simultaneously. We witnessed just that this week when we saw David Arquette and a young Scarlett Johansson┬átogether in the movie Eight Legged Freaks.

Why does the radioactive waste affect the spiders so drastically but not the deputy that smeared it on his head? Why is Bret made up to look like a heroic character later in the film when we witnessed him try to force himself on Ashley not 30 minutes prior? and why does everyone and their mom listen to a local conspiracy theory DJ on the radio?

Your guess is as good as mine as we try to make sense of it all on this weeks episode of At Least You Tried…

 

 


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The Stuff

Are you eating it… Or is it eating you? This week we watched the 1985 B horror movie “The Stuff” and were treated to possibly the best character to ever grace the screen, Mo Rutherford.

Why is the old man who found the stuff content with eating something that’s bubbling up from the ground? Does no one care that Jason skipped school to go mess up a grocery store? How is The Stuff supposed to end world hunger if you “Lose 5 pounds a week” on it? and do lumberjacks in the bathroom come with every room at the motel?

Join us this week for the insanity that is “The Stuff” but remember: Everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while.


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Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Never has a movie been so divisive for our group with half of us loving it and half of us hating ourselves for willingly viewing it. This week we sat down and watched the cult classic Killer klowns from outer space and I believe Alex may have died a little inside in the process.

Was the clowns murderous rampage really just revenge for a popped balloon animal? How can anyone stand the two annoying brothers that own the ice cream truck? What does the Klown reproductive cycle look like when we know it involves shooting popcorn?

Possibly the largest mystery of them all is how this movie still ranks above 70% on Rotten tomatoes…. Some questions will never be answered.


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