White Chicks

Alex’s month of movie picks comes to a close with a movie that shows that seeing truly is believing. With special effects/ make up that look like the bastard child of The Mask and Disney World’s Hall of presidents White Chicks was especially cringe worthy.

How do our two main characters make the jump in logic from botching a protection job to thinking they can fix the situation by just taking the girls spot? How is Terry Crews possibly attracted to Marlon Wayans when he’s dressed as a woman? and possibly the most baffling question, How did this movie gross 69 million dollars?

So don’t have a BF* because it’s triple T K A** as we sit down and (unfortunately) watch White Chicks.

*Bitch Fit
** Time to totally kick ass


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Soul Plane

A large number of people are afraid of flying and we here at At Least You Tried hope at least a fraction of them view Soul Plane as the horror film it clearly is meant to be.

This week on At Least You Tried we continue our month of Alex picks with a movie that no one asked for… Soul Plane.

Why is it that Kevin Hart‘s character is screwed over by a airline and he is awarded 100 million dollars but when Mo’Nique straight up rapes a man at a TSA checkpoint he doesn’t see a dime? Is it an ongoing trope that Alex’s picks for movies ALL include multiple poop jokes? (spoiler alert: They all do) Also, Why is it that Snoop Dogg‘s character would pick a career as a pilot when he’s terrified of heights?

Let’s be honest, not a single one of these will be answered but what did you really expect?

(Side note: Jonathan is convinced this movie is in the same movie universe as Mac & Devin go to high school, any other believers?)


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Littleman

Alex gets subtle revenge on all of us again with his pick this week: Littleman.

Another trash movie that did really well in the theaters for some reason Littleman is nothing if not surprising.

How is it that NO ONE notices that this little person criminal is not actually a toddler? Are we completely passing over the fact that he has tattoos and a “scar from a knife fight”? ¬†Also who thinks it’s ok to play full contact football with a toddler? and how is finding a diamond in a poop filled diaper romantic?

This movie is a mess, but misery loves company here at ALYT so join us as we question our life choices that led us here and watch Littleman.

 


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Norbit

HOW YOU DOING?!
This week on At Least You Tried we watched Norbit, not the start of Eddie Murphy‘s downfall but a clear sign of it. There are MANY things wrong with this movie but for brevity’s sake here are a few that we couldn’t ignore

-Eddie Murphy plays an openly racist Chinese man with a whaling fascination
– Young Norbit and Kate poop together while looking longingly in each other’s eyes (No joke, that made it into the movie)
– Eddie Murphy in a fat suit as Rasputia has sex with Norbit (Also Eddie Murphy) while she is dressed as a slave in shackles and he is dressed as Abraham Lincoln to celebrate president’s day

and possibly the most outrageous THIS MOVIE MADE ALMOST 100 MILLION DOLLARS. How did it achieve this? Well your guess is as good as mine.

Join us this week as we chew this movie apart but don’t worry we saved you the best piece… The turkey ass


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Space Jam

This week on At Least You Tried Jonathan and Cat sat down and watched the 90s classic(?) Space Jam. We got up and slammed and were then welcomed to the jam.

For a movie that everyone remembers so fondly this film is definitely not without it’s flaws. Why is Lola bunny so sexualized in the movie? Why are there multiple references to movies like Pulp Fiction that kids would never catch? and why is the main villain of the movie, played by Danny DeVito 54th billed on IMDB?!

Also in this episode
– Why you should never look too hard at still frames of a movie
– Daffy Duck is Cat’s inner monologue
and
– Cat catches on that Michael Jordan‘s movie dog has a clever pun name

All this and more on this week’s episode of At Least You Tried…

Kazaam

When you’re a kid you see everything through rose tinted glasses. The world is wonderful and full of cherished memories waiting to be made. It’s only when we revisit them as adults that we can see things for how they truly are: few are gems, some are decent, but most…. most are mediocre and forgettable. This is case with Kazaam.

We decided it was time we revisit Shaquille O’Neal‘s brief stint as an actor/ rapper and god was it painful. Is it possible for Max to be a bigger pain in the ass to every other character in the movie? (It isn’t) How does “I’d like junk food from here to the sky!” translate to raining hamburgers up to your knees? and more importantly how exactly do you “Green eggs and ham it”?

Join us this week on At Least You Tried as we forget the troubles of the outside world and get lost in some trash for awhile

Side note: If you want to scare yourself check out how Francis Capra, who played Max, looks now


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Mazes and Monsters

This week Jonathan and Jake watched a little known “After school special” about the dangers of fantasy role playing called Mazes and Monsters. Why would we bother you may ask? It just happens to be Tom Hanks first leading role and it’s a fucking ridiculous ride.

Join us as we are treated to Tom Hanks slowly drifting into insanity and becoming his character “Pardue the holy man”, a child prodigy with a passion for hats, and an honest to God shanking.

A film that makes LARPing actually look kinda fun and then scary as hell.

Fun ALYT drinking game: Take a drink every time Jay Jay switches hats and succumb to alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie!


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Santa’s Slay

On this very special Christmas episode of At Least You Tried we watched the holiday classic Santa’s Slay! The movie manages to kill off both Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan in the first five minutes and for that reason alone it is an instant 5 star movie.

All joking aside we LOVE this movie and highly recommend it.
Do you enjoy:
– curling
– strippers
– transformers that turn into realistic guns
– excessive word play and dick jokes
– a flying bison killed with a bazooka

If you answered yes to any or all of the above you owe it to yourself to experience this movie this holiday season. Christmas comes once a year but we’ve given you four great(?) holiday movies this month and we truly saved the best for last.

Side note: This is the second time I’ve linked our website to Chris Kattan’s IMDB profile…. What am I doing with my life?


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Jack Frost

The holiday season continues here on At Least You Tried and to celebrate we watched Jack Frost… No not that Jack Frost, the not safe to watch with your children horror comedy.

In this movie we find the answer to the age old question “Can snowmen have sex?”. Also in this episode we discuss why you shouldn’t allow your “Kissed by an angel” child to make you cookies and what the appropriate time to mourn your murdered kid is before you decide to decorate the Christmas tree.


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Krampus

The holiday season is upon us. Soon the air will smell of gingerbread, you won’t be able to avoid Christmas music on the radio, and every third channel on TV will be airing “It’s a wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story”. We here on At Least You Tried try to treat the holidays a little differently, with a month of holiday movies we love to hate… or at least that was the idea.

When we planned out this month everyone we went to said that we HAD to do an episode on Krampus and how bad the movie was but here’s the thing… We actually kinda liked it. Sure the movie is filled with gaping plot holes and questions like why is the family going to a Christmas play at a mall? Is this one family responsible for creating a polar vortex-esque event and if so is it just in their neighborhood or worldwide? and why is Max waiting until the DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS to mail his letter to Santa? (Maybe he accidentally put down Satan, that would explain a lot)

With all that said it’s actually a rather fun movie despite all it’s flaws and probably one of the more enjoyable ones we’ve reviewed so here it is, our Christmas gift to you, Krampus!

Krampus stars the lovable Adam Scott, Toni Collette, and David Koechner as well as a character voice by Seth Green.


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