Troll 2

The best worst movie of all time is a prestigious title and our movie this week, Troll 2, claims to be just that. The movie even has a documentary based on it and all the trouble that went into creating this beautiful trainwreck. Troll 2 is a bad movie, no dancing around that one but is it as bad as other At Least You Tried favorites like The Room or Fateful Findings? Well in my opinion yes and no. The movie looks more polished than the other two (Not by much) but it has possibly worse dialogue and acting. Part of this can be blamed on it’s Italian director/writer who didn’t speak perfect english and insisted that his actors read the lines word for word with zero adlibing. We can thank this insistence for the classic lines about “pissing on hospitality” and the “Oh my God!” scene. Troll 2’s director believed he could cash in on the minor success of the movie Troll that he’d create a sequel that had nothing to do with the original and didn’t actually have any trolls in it… Flawless logic.

The movie follows the Waits family as they go on vacation in the small town of Nilbog (yes that’s goblin spelled backwards). While there the son Joshua starts having visions of his dead grandfather who warns him that the town is full of Goblins that intend on eating the family. These goblins don’t actually eat humans, they’re actually vegetarian, but through a work around turn humans into plants so they can eat them… because that makes sense. It’s up to Joshua to convince his family of the evil intentions of residents of Nilbog and escape before it’s too late.

This is a real seeing is believing type of movie and definitely lives up to the hype. If you have somehow avoided this movie like I had up to this point I HIGHLY recommend you give it a watch because it really is something else.

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The year. 1989. The world was seeing the close of the greatest and most influential decade of all time. What better way to send off an era than with a little Swayze craziness we like to call the Road House?

This week’s pick belongs to Lance, but with a strong suggestive influence from Matt. Neither Lance nor Jonathan had seen this gem before, but Matt grew up watching this in full VHS glory. This cinematic gold is the pinnacle in fun, but enjoyable movie trash.

Road House brings it all to the table: Monster trucks, enough boob scenes to make your kid cover his eyes the whole damn movie, Swayze throat ripping Mortal Kombat fatality moves, drunken bar brawls, and poetic one liners like “Pain Don’t Hurt”.

Go ahead and make this movie your next “Saturday night thing”. Just be careful not watch it with a man that “used to fuck guys like you in prison” or Brad Wesley will make you his “bleeder”.

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So we’ve come to this an experiment that started with a fun premise and ended with 3/4 of our group traumatized. Now I (Jonathan) had a little theory that Alex automatically would just say that he hated every movie that I suggested while loving all Matt’s suggestions. To test this theory I told him that Matt had suggested the movie Tusk for this weeks movie when in reality it was my pick. However things didn’t go as planned, instead of loving it Alex still hated this movie and we were all left with scenes that aren’t leaving our memory banks anytime soon.

Tusk follows Wallace (Justin Long), a podcaster that will do anything for views and often gets his content at someone else’s expense. He takes a trip to Canada to interview the latest viral internet star. When his interview subject for the week dies Wallace scrambles to find a new person to interview so he doesn’t Canada without anything to show for it. At a local bar Wallace finds an add that just might be what he’s looking for.

An old sailor is looking for someone to rent a room in his mansion and listen to his life’s amazing stories… or at least that’s what he says. In truth this old sailor wants to turn Wallace into a walrus (Yes you read that correctly). What follows is one of the most disturbing movies we’ve reviewed for this podcast. On top of that it’s billed as a horror comedy and it does NOT blend these genres well.

So if you’re so inclined join us this week as we watch Kevin Smith‘s horror movie Tusk. Together we’ll answer the age old question “Is man indeed a walrus at heart?”

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The Keep

What do you get when you mix Nazis, a vague evil entity, and Gandalf himself? Why you get our movie this week, a little horror(?) movie call “The Keep

The Nazi army makes it’s way across Romania and comes across a crypt that houses an evil golem-esque creature that doesn’t take too kindly to being disturbed. If you enjoy watching Nazis get their comeuppance then this is the movie for you.

An odd little factoid about this movie, when looking up the runtime this hour and a half film came up with a runtime of 3 and a half hours! Apparently there is a version out there that is more than double the length of the movie we watched… Maybe that version made sense because this one definitely didn’t

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Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Gear up and head out! This week on At Least You Tried we watch Lance’s pick of the straight to video Starship Troopers 3: Marauder, a movie that despite coming out eleven years after the original looks MUCH worse. If you ever wondered what an advanced space bug religion might look like this is the movie for you.

Join up and do your part as we reunite with Johnny Rico and his roughnecks. Johnny played by the chiseled chinned Casper van Dien is the only familiar face in this installment in the Starship Trooper universe. Now a Corporal in the mobile infantry he must contend not only with the bugs but with the corrupt upper echelons of the Terran Federation.

Unlike the second Starship Troopers movie Marauder returns to a more action oriented sci fi romp. Unfortunatly our kickass action scenes are interrupted by desert wanderings and boring hamfisted political intrigue. To it’s credit the movie is fairly self aware of its corniness. So if you think it’s a good day to die then suit up and become citizens with us. What’s wrong, you wanna live forever?

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It’s not often that a movie we watch for this podcast can remind us so much of our favorite movies.  That is the case with Alex’s pick for this week, a Netflix exclusive called Naked starring Marlon Wayans which Jonathan insists is the spiritual successor to Groundhog Day.

The movie is about a substitute teacher named Rob, played by Wayans, who slacks his way through life not giving too much effort to anything… That is until he is stuck repeating the same hour time and time again. He only has an hour until his wedding day, his father in law hates him, there’s a plot against him, and he’s naked inside of a hotel elevator.

I honestly expected NOTHING from this movie and thought it was Alex was just trolling us, I have never been so wrong. The movie was not only enjoyable but possibly one of the best things we’ve watched. The parallels between it and Groundhog Day are clear and its definitely worth a watch if you’re a fan of that film. While it’s no classic, it’s definitely worth an hour and a half of your time and that’s the best we can ask from any of these movies.

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Sorority babes in the slimeball bowl-o-rama

So we have come to this. As a podcast we received a gift in the form of the Fullmoon channel on Amazon and it has graced us with the movie Sorority babes in the slimeball bowl-o-rama. Now you may be quick to judge this piece of art as just another sleazy movie from the 80s. It is much more than that. It may very well be the best thing we’ve watched for this podcast.

The plot is simple enough to start. Three guys decide to spy on a sorority having it’s initiation. It hits all the normal marks and is a little perverted showing all the sexy hazing… but then the movie takes a turn straight outta left field. The three boys are caught and in order to keep from turned over to the police they agree to help 2 sorority pledges with a task as part of their initiation. They are to help the girls steal a bowling trophy from the local bowling alley. The catch? Well this particular trophy unbeknownst to our cast is actually holding an evil imp inside named Uncle Impy that they accidentally release who decides to use his evil powers to torment the teens.

This movie has some of the best dialogue, an amazing soundtrack, and two of our new favorite characters of all time “Spider” and “The Janitor”. We may sound like a broken record at this point but you really need to track this one down. It’s short and to the point but it’s hilarious, cheesy, with just the right amount of sleaze.

AT LEAST YOU TRIED BONUS: During this episode Matt casually brought up that he was almost homecoming king and that he attended homecoming with dreads. Naturally we demanded pictures which I’m happy to include up on our Facebook page

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This week on At Least You Tried we watched Phantasm, a cult classic to most/ one of the worst things we’ve watched according to Alex. No matter where you fall on the merits of the movie the plot alone makes it perfect for the podcast.

A local boy and his brother find out that the towns mortician, an incredibly tall and inhumanly strong man, is digging up the dead and reanimating them. However he isn’t using these zombies for evil per se. Instead he is compressing them down to dwarf size and shipping them off to his home planet as slaves. Also for no real reason that’s ever explained he has giant floating silver balls that chase after people and drill into their faces.

The movie did financially really well and spawned multiple sequels that are honestly just as campy as the original and recycle most of the original cast. If campy b horror movies from the late seventies is something you’re into I highly recommend giving Phantasm a watch.

Also the countdown to episode 100 is upon us. We’re at episode 92 officially and plan on a big event for #100. Details to follow

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Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow

This week on At Least You Tried we watched the little known gem Cyborg 2, one of the first starring roles for Angelina Jolie.  The movie is a mix between your average dystopian story of people escaping the system a la “The Matrix” or “Blade Runner” meets the story of a man and machine falling in love (Though poorly in this movie) like in the movie “Her“.

The movie includes multiple notable parts that make it stand though including:

– A bounty hunter that is undoubtedly based on David Bowie
– A fight scene under a boat where the propeller is a weapon
– An ever present computer program(?) named mercy that likes to jump into scenes with clever quips
– An uncensored sex scene between our main character and Angelina Jolie as a cyborg

To be honest I didn’t expect to like this film but once again Matt picked a winner, so kudos Matt. It’s super campy while still having some great fight scenes and dialogue, definitely worth a watch.

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Batman and Robin

Here on At Least You Tried we have a special episode. Black Alex made a bet on the Toronto Raptors vs The Cleveland Cavaliers series and he picked the Raptors. Well they lost so the person he bet against, Brandon Murphy, said he wanted to pick a movie for us… and he picked Batman and Robin!!! Enjoy as we talk about how Black Alex got into this situation, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ice puns, Batsuit nipples, and bad jokes about a butler dying. It will not be an ice time.


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