Batman and Robin

Here on At Least You Tried we have a special episode. Black Alex made a bet on the Toronto Raptors vs The Cleveland Cavaliers series and he picked the Raptors. Well they lost so the person he bet against, Brandon Murphy, said he wanted to pick a movie for us… and he picked Batman and Robin!!! Enjoy as we talk about how Black Alex got into this situation, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ice puns, Batsuit nipples, and bad jokes about a butler dying. It will not be an ice time.

 


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Highlander 2: The Quickening

Greetings from Planet Zeist! When you think of the Highlander franchise you probably think of swords, Scotsmen, and “There can only be one!” but I bet you don’t think about aliens. Well in Highlander 2 you get exactly that…. Well depending on what version you watch. You see the producers realized the mistakes they made with continuity  (and there are A LOT) and quickly altered the original version of this movies to take out all the references to the Highlander and Ramirez being from a different planet. Well we here at At Least You Tried won’t stand for that and we went to GREAT LENGTHS to find the original version of this movie NO JOKE. Matt bought 2 laser disc players, a dvd collection, and eventually a VHS copy of the movie just to find the original version but I’d like to say it was worth it.

This movie includes many great scenes worth experiencing such as:
– The main villain Katana sending two porcupine haired henchmen after our titular Highlander, both of which cackle in high pitched annoying laughs
-Katana hijacks a subway, raises the speed to over 400 mph and kills everyone on the train
– The Highlander removes a forcefield around the earth by just stepping into it’s generators core.

I would suggest you find this movie and watch it but as we’ve stated it’s kinda hard to find but if you can find the original it’s definitely worth  a watch.


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Outland

While not necessarily a theme for the month a few movies this month include everyone’s favorite Scotsman Sean Connery. The first of these is a lesser known science fiction/ western/ crime drama known as Outland. Weird genre aside the movie is fairly straight forward in plot. Sean Connery plays a federal marshal that gets assigned to a mining rig on one of Jupiter’s moons. All is well and good until he discovers there’s a hidden drug trade going on and when he confronts the man in charge about it a hit is put on him leading to a massive shootout. It’s all the over the top scifi cheese you could want along with Sean beating the crap out of villains with his fists despite having high tech weapons.

You should tune in for this one or “I might just have to kick your nasty ass all over this room”


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Monkeyshines

When you think of the master of horror George A. Romero one thing comes to mind: Monkeys. Monkeys, right? Well in this weeks episode we watched Monkeyshines, the tale of a paraplegic man tormented by his helper monkey… Horror at it’s finest

It’s a long movie but it has some fine moments, especially it’s finale. We’ll include it below, hopefully that’ll entice you to check it out but if you do you’l be treated to

– A man carrying a backpack full of bricks getting hit by a truck and doing multiple spins in the air before falling
– A monkey setting fire to a cabin
– A small capuchin monkey fending off people much larger than it
An ending that is reason in itself to watch the movie


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Mac and Me

This weeks episode is brought to you by Mcdonalds, Skittles, and Coca Cola! Wait… No that’s not right. No this week on At Least You Tried we lost once again and were forced to watch Mac and Me, a 90 minute “E.T.” rip off that’s nothing more than thinly veiled product placement. However, despite going into this movie expecting the absolute worst we came out with something that almost resembled a fun movie. This movie comes complete with:

  • A child plummets off a cliff in his wheelchair into the ravine below
  • A hip hop birthday party at Mcdonalds where Mac the alien wears a costume resembling a skinned bear
  • Aliens are brought back to life due to the medicinal properties of Coke Classic
  • Those same aliens are involved in a SWAT team incident involving one of the aliens accidentally brandishing a pistol
  • …. And then those same aliens are sworn in as US citizens because they bring a kid back to life with alien magic or something

The movie makes zero sense but it’s that bat shit insanity that makes it so enjoyable. The entire movie is available on Youtube so there is no reason not to watch this one.


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Baby Geniuses 2: Super Babies

You play the game long enough and you’re bound to lose eventually… Boy did we lose hard today. This week luck wasn’t on our side and we were stuck watching Baby Geniuses 2: Super Babies.

The movie is a loose sequel to the first movie in the series where a group of babies are led by a mythical immortal baby name Kahuna. Together they must stop an evil madman named Biscane (who’s also Kahuna’s long lost brother) who wants to control the world using a mind controlling television program. As is a trend with movies we watch this movie has a low score on IMDB and Meta Critic (2/10 and 9% respectively) and only managed to gross around 9 million dollars on a 20 million dollar budget.

The movie is nothing special. It’s got awkward CG mouthed babies, a weird plot that involves WW2 research, and babies whose super powers run on imagination. I wouldn’t suggest you give this a watch… well unless you hate yourself, then feel free.


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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

This week the spinner chose Matt’s pick of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. I’m going to be upfront here, the movie is difficult to find through conventional means because both Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger‘s agents have done everything they could to bury this film. That being said you absolutely have to give this movie a watch because it’s not only most fun I’ve had recently watching a movie for the podcast but also quite possibly Matthew McConaughey’s best role to date.

The movie is your standard “Kids car breaks down and they’re tormented by evil rednecks” movie but with a few interesting twists such as:

– McConaughey’s redneck character has a robot leg that he controls with TV remotes. It’s never explained why or how.
– One of our redneck character only speaks in quotes from famous authors. That isn’t an exaggeration. Literally every line is a quote.
– Leatherface in the past has had hinted transvestism. That isn’t the case in this movie. They fully embrace it and to the family’s credit they all seem to support it. It’s never brought up.
– Somehow even the Illuminati is involved in the Leatherface murders. They apparently pay McConaughey and family to instill fear into people. Also the Illuminati leader has 3 pierced nipples and scarification… Don’t ask

I know I often say “Do yourself a favor and watch __________” but seriously track this movie down. It really is a seeing is believing type film and McConaughey is more over the top than Nick Cage throughout.


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Mortal Kombat Annihilation

This month on At Least You Tried we’re living dangerously. Instead of having a regular theme for the month each member of our little group is bringing a pick of their own each week and we’re putting them all on a spinner. This sounds simple and fun except we’re doing it with a bit of a “Russian roulette” type twist. Along with each of our pick’s we’re putting a “Bullet” pick on the spinner as well. These bullet picks  are going to be just some of the worst of the worst movies we can imagine. Week one’s bullet pick was “Freddy got fingered” and thankfully we avoided it.

The winner this week was Jonathan and his pick was Mortal Kombat Annihilation, a movie sitting at 3% on Rotten Tomatoes and fully deserving that rating. This movie is a train wreck and includes multiple instances of:

-Characters entering and leaving the movie at a rapid pace, clearly only put there to market toys. The whole roster is almost included.

-Awful CG animation put alongside live action. The original Mortal Kombat was no piece of art itself but this movie somehow manages to take a step backwards from the ridiculous CG of the original. We see multiple CG dragons eat fighters, burp, and even one skeletal dragon have it’s ass punched by Jax.

-Henchmen for an evil overlord armed only with sticks… Conquering Earth realm with sticks

This movie is a mess and while nostalgia helped us get through it I don’t recommend it to anyone who hasn’t played the video games or seen the original movie.


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Man with the screaming brain

We finished up March madness with Lance’s pick of Bruce Campbell in “Man with the screaming brain“. Bruce directed, wrote, and starred in this fun B movie. This movie is unlike the majority of the films we review in that it is intentionally a little cheesy. It’s campy and over the top and we love it for it.

Bruce plays a wealthy business man who is almost murdered but saved from death when a mad scientist combines his brains with a Russian taxi driver’s. The duo work together to find out what happened to them and get revenge on quite possibly the best movie villain we’ve seen. There are plenty of stabbings ahead.

This movie has it all. It has:
-Bruce Campbell (Reason enough really)
-A psychopathic woman who goes from zero to fatal attraction in the blink of an eye
-A female robot straight out of “I feel fantastic
-A dead body that shoots down a river like it was a log flume ride

Not a bad movie really and definitely one we here at At Least You Tried highly recommend, do yourself a favor and watch Man with the screaming brain.

 


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Hannibal

When you think of a sequel to Silence of the lambs you probably think of something gory filled with cannibalism and witty one liners from our titular cannibal… Well prepare for disappointment. This week on At Least You Tried we watched Hannibal.

This movie had so much going for it with Anthony Hopkins reprising his role as Hannibal and Ridley Scott as director but honestly it’s 2+ hours of movies with 2 or 3 notable scenes which include:

  • Hannibal feeding a crazed paraplegic man (Gary Oldman) to trained killer hogs
  • Hannibal feeding a back stabbing detective parts of the man’s own brain
  • A snooping Italian man get disemboweled and hung off a balcony

There we just saved you two hours of your life. Why not repay the favor and listen to us critique this snoozefest of a movie. It’ll take you less than half the time and if you laugh once that’s more laughs than this movie will provide.


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