The Predator

The Predator. A shit show by definition. A film that struggles to decide what the fuck it wants to be. Is it an action movie? Or, is it a comedy? Well, it sure likes to try and lean towards the latter; however, I say “try” because it simply fails miserably to muster a chuckle from this seasoned Predator aficionado. And, for what seems to be a first here at At Least You Tried, we all agree this movie sucks the rancid deposited Predalien semen out of a blown out Predator asshole.

Shane Black took the scripts from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Mercury Rising, jumbled them together, added a spritz of Predator and a fuck ton of not funny comedy and thought he struck pay dirt. Whatever happened to the classic days of just wanting to see some muscular dudes fight some bad ass aliens? Why do we need an entire cast of lunatics? Why do I need to try to care about some kid throughout my entire Predator movie? Why is “Pod 03” written in plain as day fucking English on the Predator’s escape pod at the end? Why does every scene, and I mean every god damned scene, have to contain some kind of comedy relief? Why, oh why, do the Predator’s dogs have dreadlocks? They look beyond embarrassing. And, mother of God, that Predator Killer suit at the end was the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen Bubba.

The first movie was a perfect mixture of action, science fiction, and horror. The film score then jacked an already phenomenal film up to legendary status. It was tense as hell. Predator 2 was also great. Fuck any haters. Speaking of the second film, Jake Busey makes a cameo in The Predator as the son of Gary Busey’s character. It is extremely forgettable and unnecessary. It was an attempt at the illusion of some sort of fan service. The third movie, Predators, was also pretty good. Despite the common complaint, Adrian Brody did a fine job. The only thing The Predator has going for it is the gore, which admittedly was off the rails when it did happen.

To sum up, fuck this movie. And to quote Arnold, it was a “bad idea”.

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