(Guest post by Matt)
Nukie…”a magical space adventure”. Don’t believe the lie on the cover. Well, if you consider two balls of light named Nukie and Miko bumbling through the solar system and crashing to Earth in the first two minutes a magical space adventure then you are in for a real masochistic lie. Seriously, where is the fucking space and where is the goddamn adventure? What we really get here are two aliens that look like leather covered piles of dog shit chunked together to form some kind of bastard hybrid sons of Mac and a crackhead Norwegian troll. Miko crashes in America and is captured by the likes of the evil space foundation; they do some experiments on him to figure out whether he is animal or vegetable. Nukie crash lands in Africa where he gets into all kinds of mischief with the wildlife and locals. We immediately discover that Miko and Nukie can speak telepathically across the Earth. Boy, oh boy, do we wish they couldn’t because all of the dialogue between these two little pricks sounds like the voice actors were just told improvise. We also discover they can speak the language of anything. This ability means that we later get treated to a talking simian named Charlie who tells us of his love for red pants and red shirts. If only someone put this monkey on the original Star Trek, he’d be Shatner fodder instead of something shat into this film. Miko also befriends and teaches a computer named EDDI love. This is where all men watching this movie immediately lose half their penis size. A bunch of other random horse shit happens and that’s Nukie, folks! Grab a 12 pack of Stag, kick your feet up, gather the family around, and have the most awkward family film made seep into your existence.