When you think of a sequel to Silence of the lambs you probably think of something gory filled with cannibalism and witty one liners from our titular cannibal… Well prepare for disappointment. This week on At Least You Tried we watched Hannibal.

This movie had so much going for it with Anthony Hopkins reprising his role as Hannibal and Ridley Scott as director but honestly it’s 2+ hours of movies with 2 or 3 notable scenes which include:

  • Hannibal feeding a crazed paraplegic man (Gary Oldman) to trained killer hogs
  • Hannibal feeding a back stabbing detective parts of the man’s own brain
  • A snooping Italian man get disemboweled and hung off a balcony

There we just saved you two hours of your life. Why not repay the favor and listen to us critique this snoozefest of a movie. It’ll take you less than half the time and if you laugh once that’s more laughs than this movie will provide.

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Vampire’s Kiss

What movie could possibly provide a crazier Nick Cage than “The Wicker Man“? Oh you simple ignorant fool…. Clearly you haven’t seen his early work in a little film called “Vampire’s Kiss

Well this month on At Least You Tried we are celebrating March Madness by watching films about crazy people.  In Vampire’s kiss Cage plays Peter Loew, a publishing executive that thinks he’s turning into a vampire.

In this wonderful little movie you will be treated to:

  • Cage running down a crowded street screaming “I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire!”
  • Cage yelling at his secretary and chasing her around an office
  • Cage buying cheap plastic fangs and wearing them as if they were genuine.
  • An amazing “bat attack” from the bat’s perspective
  • An explanation of how filing works, complete with Cage screaming the alphabet (picking up on a trend?)

This movie is an instant classic and the source of one of the internet’s longest lasting memes. I can think of no better film to start March Madness with than Vampire’s Kiss.

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Cradle of fear

We’ve come across a wonderfully awful movie this week under Matt’s suggestion, a little known horror anthology called “Cradle of fear“. If you’re a fan of Cradle of filth (aka either Matt or Richmond from the IT crowd) then you’re probably already aware of this movie.

Some special effects are timeless like the face melting Nazi in Raiders of the lost ark… The effects in cradle of fear are not like this at all, they are INCREDIBLY dated. The movie has worse CG animation than a windows screen saver. What it does have is excessive nudity and possibly the funniest/most awful fake websites in it’s last segment such as “ape rape.com”.

This movie has 4 loosely tied segments about people being murdered under plans from “The man” played by Dani Filth. These segments include:

  • A young goth party girl hits the club and finds her “Dark Prince” who impregnates her with a demonic hellspawn
  • Two would be burglars break into a deaf man’s home and things go south fast. The deaf man only repeats the statement “Give me back my teeth!” Pure gold
  • A kinky man with a stump leg isn’t happy with his situation and decides to steal another man’s leg and get it transplanted. The leg rebels and hilarious CG car antics ensue.
  • A man gets increasingly interested in extreme pornography especially snuff films. He stumbles across an interactive website that allowed him to inflict harm on anonymous victims…. in a shocking twist that no one saw coming, he ends up a victim himself

The movie is awful and wonderful. I didn’t expect to enjoy it but I did. If you manage to come across it have a few drinks and do yourself a favor.

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Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil’s son in law

This has been a great black history month on At least you tried. Today we end it with some PEAK BLACKNESS! We watched Petey Wheatstraw: The devil’s son in law. This was a instant classic for all of us. Kung fu, magic canes, and jive turkeys. With quotes like “romance without finance is a damn nuisance” how can you doubt this is a diamond in black movies?

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