Stay Tuned

This week on At Least You Tried we watched a devilishly good little film called “Stay Tuned” John Ritter plays couch potato Roy Knable, a man suckered into owning a demonic TV set by Jeffrey Jones and subsequently sucked into it’s programs along with his wife. This movie has it all:

-Eugene Levy playing a smart ass demon with a heart of gold
-Sinister parodies of classic tv shows and movies
-Jeffrey Jones getting the comeuppance he so deserves (The man was convicted of owning child porn and soliciting a minor, he is complete trash and deserves to be chemically castrated)

For those interested in this film…. good luck finding it. It isn’t on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, etc. You’re only going to find it on RARE VHS or by watching it in full on Youtube. Seriously though, it is a fun movie and if you’re the type to host bad movie nights this should definitely be playing at your next party.


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Nukie

(Guest post by Matt)

Nukie…”a magical space adventure”. Don’t believe the lie on the cover. Well, if you consider two balls of light named Nukie and Miko bumbling through the solar system and crashing to Earth in the first two minutes a magical space adventure then you are in for a real masochistic lie. Seriously, where is the fucking space and where is the goddamn adventure? What we really get here are two aliens that look like leather covered piles of dog shit chunked together to form some kind of bastard hybrid sons of Mac and a crackhead Norwegian troll. Miko crashes in America and is captured by the likes of the evil space foundation; they do some experiments on him to figure out whether he is animal or vegetable. Nukie crash lands in Africa where he gets into all kinds of mischief with the wildlife and locals. We immediately discover that Miko and Nukie can speak telepathically across the Earth. Boy, oh boy, do we wish they couldn’t because all of the dialogue between these two little pricks sounds like the voice actors were just told improvise. We also discover they can speak the language of anything. This ability means that we later get treated to a talking simian named Charlie who tells us of his love for red pants and red shirts. If only someone put this monkey on the original Star Trek, he’d be Shatner fodder instead of something shat into this film. Miko also befriends and teaches a computer named EDDI love. This is where all men watching this movie immediately lose half their penis size. A bunch of other random horse shit happens and that’s Nukie, folks! Grab a 12 pack of Stag, kick your feet up, gather the family around, and have the most awkward family film made seep into your existence.


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Creepshow

Watching bad movies week in and week out can really bum you out if you let it. Sometimes you really just need a pallet cleanser, a good movie to remind you that not everything is trash, or at least that trash can be fun. So for this week we did just that, we watched the classic horror anthology Creepshow. It was Matt and Lance’s first viewing of the film and while it isn’t a perfect movie, it’s always a cheesy fun watch.

Whether it’s Stephen King‘s over the top acting as a backwoods farmer, Leslie Nielsen showing us that he can be downright intimidating, thousands of cockroaches stacked waist high, or yeti creatures in crates eating despicable people Creepshow is a movie unlike any other. If you haven’t seen it yet, honestly this one is worth the $3 it would cost you to stream it. Hell make a night of it and watch the second one too…. Just don’t watch the third. We’re just gonna pretend that one never existed.


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Kung fu zombie

This week we watched a film that slipped into the 80’s asscrack of obscurity…Kung Fu Zombie. And, of course, never letting the group down, this gem has been pulled from Matt’s mythical vault of oddities. Matt bought this on a whim from the Big Lots DVD bargain bin over a decade ago for around two bucks. His life has never been the same. He has been preaching the gospel of KFZ to all and is extremely proud to share it with the rest of the gang. This movie has it all. It’s got great fights, ridiculous dubbing, and a vampiric baddie that always enters the scene to the James Bond theme. No bullshit, it’s the James Bond theme. Some of the scenes in the movie are even enhanced with 30 different camera angles just in case you wanted to see every dimension of a watermelon being sliced. Enough talk, go watch.


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My uncle: The alien

This week we were treated to a movie that not many people are aware of, a little known masterpiece of trash titled “My uncle the alien“. This movie is so unknown that we couldn’t even find a wikipedia article on it. Matt was lucky enough though to find a screener copy at a local good will and we were blessed with this awful movie.

The movie follows the presidents daughter Kelly as she tries to help save a local community center (It’s a trope for a reason) and subsequently gets herself kidnapped by two criminals that make the wet bandits from Home Alone looks like Mensa members. A no good ruffian with a heart of gold named Zig decides to help Kelly and together they work to thwart the criminals…. oh yeah and there’s an alien in the movie for all of like 3 minutes.

This movie treats the titular alien like an after thought. He in the opening 30 seconds talking to Kelly and then absent for the rest of the movie only to resurface at the VERY END to help her escape criminals. The movie in between isn’t completely terrible. There’s a fight between two handicapped orphans used as a distraction, we see the president has multiple desk phones, and we find out that wax museums are completely abandoned during the week making them great spots for crime.

Much like an actual alien this movie is a “Seeing is believing kind of experience” I recommend you track down a copy (If you can) and give it a watch.


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Street Fighter (100th episode celebration)

The time is finally here! This week on At Least You Tried we celebrate our 100th episode by going back to our roots and watching Street Fighter. Way back when we first started the podcast we tried to do an episode on this amazing movie but due to technical issues at the time we were unable to put the episode up and it couldn’t be salvaged. Thankfully we’re going to rectify that and finally give Street Fighter the episode it deserves.

This movie puts Mortal Kombat to shame when it comes to including EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. If a character appeared in the game by god they’re going to make an appearance in this movie! The plot centers around Col. Guile (played by Jean-Claude Van Damme) a military leader who is intent on stopping the corrupt dictator M. Bison (Raul Julia) from bringing the world to it’s knees and killing off political hostages. The movie more or less follows the plot of the game not that that’s saying much. It’s a campy piece of 90’s nostalgia and honestly some of Raul Julia’s best work in my opinion. Sadly this would also be his last film. Raul was dying of cancer at the time but didn’t want anyone to know, playing his role and trying not to let on how sick he was.

The movie is one of the better video game adaptations that has aged fairly well all thing considered.  If you haven’t seen it we highly encourage you to do so and join us as we celebrate 100 episodes down and hopefully many more to come. Thank you very much from all of us here at At Least You Tried for listening. It means a lot to us. Also a very special thank you to all the people who have been here since DAY ONE!

(Side note: Starting with this episode we’re introducing a new theme song from Ray Tango AKA Matt. Show him some love and check out more of his music at
https://soundcloud.com/ray_tango)


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Troll 2

The best worst movie of all time is a prestigious title and our movie this week, Troll 2, claims to be just that. The movie even has a documentary based on it and all the trouble that went into creating this beautiful trainwreck. Troll 2 is a bad movie, no dancing around that one but is it as bad as other At Least You Tried favorites like The Room or Fateful Findings? Well in my opinion yes and no. The movie looks more polished than the other two (Not by much) but it has possibly worse dialogue and acting. Part of this can be blamed on it’s Italian director/writer who didn’t speak perfect english and insisted that his actors read the lines word for word with zero adlibing. We can thank this insistence for the classic lines about “pissing on hospitality” and the “Oh my God!” scene. Troll 2’s director believed he could cash in on the minor success of the movie Troll that he’d create a sequel that had nothing to do with the original and didn’t actually have any trolls in it… Flawless logic.

The movie follows the Waits family as they go on vacation in the small town of Nilbog (yes that’s goblin spelled backwards). While there the son Joshua starts having visions of his dead grandfather who warns him that the town is full of Goblins that intend on eating the family. These goblins don’t actually eat humans, they’re actually vegetarian, but through a work around turn humans into plants so they can eat them… because that makes sense. It’s up to Joshua to convince his family of the evil intentions of residents of Nilbog and escape before it’s too late.

This is a real seeing is believing type of movie and definitely lives up to the hype. If you have somehow avoided this movie like I had up to this point I HIGHLY recommend you give it a watch because it really is something else.


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Roadhouse

The year. 1989. The world was seeing the close of the greatest and most influential decade of all time. What better way to send off an era than with a little Swayze craziness we like to call the Road House?

This week’s pick belongs to Lance, but with a strong suggestive influence from Matt. Neither Lance nor Jonathan had seen this gem before, but Matt grew up watching this in full VHS glory. This cinematic gold is the pinnacle in fun, but enjoyable movie trash.

Road House brings it all to the table: Monster trucks, enough boob scenes to make your kid cover his eyes the whole damn movie, Swayze throat ripping Mortal Kombat fatality moves, drunken bar brawls, and poetic one liners like “Pain Don’t Hurt”.

Go ahead and make this movie your next “Saturday night thing”. Just be careful not watch it with a man that “used to fuck guys like you in prison” or Brad Wesley will make you his “bleeder”.


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