This month we’re going to be watching movies with stars that aren’t normally actors. It’ll be a month of athletes and musicians trying their hand (and failing) at being movie stars. We could think of no better film to start this month off with than the super hero film Steel starring Shaquille O’Neal.
The movie has Shaq as John Henry Irons an ex military weapons specialist who finds out the technology he helped create is making it’s way onto the streets and is being used for crime. John decides to stop this crime by becoming Steel the armored super hero. All of this sounds pretty awesome until you realize that the villain is the rebellious teen from The Breakfast Club and that his super powered hammer is really only a glorified gun. Not once does he hit something with that hammer.
That aside Steel is an enjoyable ride, though not in the way it’s creators intended, and was a fun watch for us. It had some comical villain deaths, a dog Alex actually liked, and prompted “Grandma’s Souffle!” to be a thing for which we’re all grateful.
So after a brief hiatus we’re back wrapping up the worst of 2017 with The Boss Baby. The movie itself is not the worst thing we’ve watched but DAMN is it a generic movie. The plot, dialogue, and character development are very by the books and we found ourselves predicting what was going to happen almost word for word at times. That being said we do have a few questions, such as:
– What kind of corporation creates a new kind of puppy, complete with it’s own release day?
-If the other babies the “Boss baby” worked with were dumb normal babies why did he work with them?
– We know our narrator has an overactive imagination, is the whole movie possibly one big imaginary day dream?
We wrap up the year with this dud of a film but can’t wait to show you what we have planned for 2018. Lots of new content is on it’s way in the coming year as well as some movies we held off on reviewing to save for a special occasion (Looking at you episode 100). To all the fans, listeners, and people that just put up with us on a weekly basis thanks for supporting At Least You Tried…
This week on At Least You Tried we continue our month of the worst of 2017 with “The Great Wall“, proof that even when you have a giant beautiful real life structure to use people will still flock to CG graphics.
The movie follows William (played by Matt Damon) who is a mercenary that helps out the Chinese army protect the great wall again werewolf/ lizard creatures called the Tao Tei that are mercilessly attacking it. However, despite the army appearing to be highly capable warriors….. dear god are they dumb.
Whether it’s loosing 9/10 of their forces in hot air balloon accidents or bungee jumping into groups of hungry monsters, this army makes some really dumb mistakes.
While the movie isn’t the most plot driven movie we’ve watched, it surprisingly was a pretty fun film to watch even if most of that enjoyment was just us mocking the film. The action scenes are well choreographed and according to Alex the nunchuck drumming was “Lit”. This is actually one of the few movies we’ve watched that (If you’re in the right mindset) I suggest you check out.
So it’s that time of the year again. 2017 is winding down and like a hurricane of shit and disappointment this year has left many awful movies in it’s wake. We plan on spending December to highlight the worst offenders of the year but can think of no movie that better shows how low the bar can be lowered than The Emoji Movie.
Many movies out there today sneak in product placement or clever substitutions to make a little extra money. Often times this is a subtle thing and can go unnoticed by the average movie goer. The Emoji Movie lacks any subtlety. It’s going to put as much product placement and blatant advertisements as it can fit into it’s movie and it’s going to beat you over the head with it. Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Youtube, Candy Crush… if it’s popular and on your phone you can bet that it finds it’s way into this movie.
Our movies follows a loose plot about an emoji named Gene that doesn’t fit into emoji society because he has multiple emotions. The other emojis don’t take kindly to this kind of free thinking and send anti virus robots after Gene hoping to exterminate him because he’s clearly a malfunction. The rest of the movie is more less small vignettes of Gene and his emoji friends experiencing each of the above mentioned apps as the robots chase him down.
Never have I ever felt so strongly that a movie was trying to sell me something. It was completely groan inducing and straight up broke Alex at one point. He’s held firm to his belief that Killer Klowns from Outer Space is the worst thing we’ve ever watched. This movie has changed that opinion.
December is going to be a rough month of movies. We are going to watch some real trash and we may not come out of this unscathed but if you’re brave and can stand watching morally reprehensible films we encourage you to join us. Misery loves company.
Stephen King month concludes with this week’s movie Firestarter! It’s kind of like if Stephen created the Xmen but instead just gave each character vague powers to suite the plot.
Our story follow Andy McGee, a man who gained psychic powers after a government funded experiment. He can force other people to do or see whatever he wants….and he can control payphones to spit out quarters for some reason. Andy and his wife after leaving the experiment have a child, a little girl named Charlie (A young Drew Barrymore) who is our titular fire starter. As the name would suggest Charlie can start fires with her mind whenever she gets angry or frustrated but she has little control over her powers and the government isn’t too happy about that.
The plot is more or less a game of cat and mouse with Andy and Charlie running from the government agents and a native american assassin name Rainbird who wants to kill Charlie to absorb her powers in the next life (?)
The movie suffers from the same problem a lot Stephen King movies do with a ton of expositional scenes that don’t really answer the questions you have. However what makes the film so much fun is the last five to ten minutes where Charlie loses all control and just torches the government facility. It really is a thing of beauty complete with Drew Barrymore shooting Hadouken blasts at agents and helicopters.
While I can’t say I whole heartedly suggest you watch the movie in full, give our episode a listen and I’ll include a link to the epic final scene for your viewing pleasure.
This week we continued our month of Stephen King movies with one of his weirder anthology movies: Cat’s Eye. Three short horror(?) vignettes that are all loosely tied together by the worlds best cat actor.
Our first episode is “Quitters Inc” which follows James Woods as a cigarette addict who undergoes a radical new addiction program in hopes of quitting smoking…If only he had read the fine print.
Next up is “The Ledge” where a gambler catches his wife’s lover and puts him through a deadly game, forcing him to walk a ledge stories above the pavement. This story contains the most vicious pigeon you will ever seen as well as the most satisfying pigeon punt.
Last segment is “The General” where our titular cat come’s across a young Drew Barrymore‘s house which just so happens to be infested by a tiny goblin like creature in a jester’s hat. This is the craziest of the segments and involves the cat trying to defend the little girl in a fight to the death with the goblin. It culminates with the cat becoming the world’s cutest DJ and literally shredding the goblin in a fan…It’s quite the scene.
This movie is possibly the most fun we’ve had recently and by far our best cat based banter. If that’s not enough stick around for one of the catchiest movie theme songs you’ve ever heard.
So there a few constants in the world: Death, Taxes, and that Jonathan and Alex will always disagree on the movies we review….. until today. Today we watched Stephen King’s “The Mangler” and we both agree, this movie is trash.
Robert Englund owns an industrial dry cleaning plant where the town’s elite sacrifice their children to a demon that inhabits the plant’s dry cleaning machine. The machine isn’t picky though and when it’s not being fed virgins it will lash out and workers and anyone foolish enough to put their hands too close to the press (and that’s A LOT of people). Ted Levine plays a detective with a demonologist brother in law that is set to prove the machine is possessed (NOT HAUNTED! There’s a difference!) and stop it’s bloodlust.
So yeah Buffalo Bill is trying to keep Freddy Krueger from murdering virgins…
The movie is pushing towards 2 hours long and is mostly filler. In contrast our episode is only 50 minutes long and includes puns. Make the right decision.
If you enjoy bad Gary Busey impressions then this is the episode for you. This week we decided to watch the iconic(?) Stephen King adaptation Silver Bullet in which an evil train…. I mean a local psychopath….. no wait a werewolf attacks a small Maine town.
This movie comes complete with all the Stephen King tropes so PLEASE do not play the Stephen King drinking game while watching because you will most definitely die. Normal tropes aside this movie does include some wonderful scenes including:
A motorcycle/ wheelchair hybrid built for a child
A werewolf that wields a baseball bat as a weapon on not one but two occasions
Gary Busey as an alcoholic uncle (Shocking we know)
An awesome shot of a werewolf getting an eye pierced by a firework
This is just the tip of the Stephen King campy iceberg so stick with us the rest of the month as we highlight some of the biggest duds he’s put out over the years
Also please stick around after the episode because we’re premiering a new song by friend of the show Ray Tango titled “Stranger Flings” which we’re sure you’ll enjoy.
If you fail to plan you plan to fail. A great villain can make a movie memorable and what is a great villain without an over the top evil plan? This week Jonathan and Lance got together (secretly at work….shhh) to record their picks for the top 5 evil plans in movies and games.
To make this list the plans didn’t necessarily have to be successful, only memorable and creative. We also let off anti heroes because they’re sure to get their own list some time in the future.
The episode was fun to make and an interesting conversation to have. We hope you enjoy listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed creating it. Would you kindly give it a listen?
Rounding out this Halloween season we watched our final “horror” movie set in space, Dracula 3000. It’s…. Dracula in space!
This movie has it all, it’s got: Vampire Coolio, a co captain that is randomly discovered to be a robot and then a sex bot, and most importantly an old timey Dracula in a futuristic space environment. Now you may be misled by the cover to think that our vampire may be some type of hybrid high tech vampire with wires coming out of it’s face…. yeah it’s none of those. We instead get a Dracula straight of the original vampire tradition, complete with poofy cape and shirt frills.
The movie ends in spectacular fashion. Does the team survive the vampire attack? What becomes of Dracula? Seriously do yourself a favor and watch this movie. It may just be the most fun bad film we’ve watched.