Baby Geniuses 2: Super Babies

You play the game long enough and you’re bound to lose eventually… Boy did we lose hard today. This week luck wasn’t on our side and we were stuck watching Baby Geniuses 2: Super Babies.

The movie is a loose sequel to the first movie in the series where a group of babies are led by a mythical immortal baby name Kahuna. Together they must stop an evil madman named Biscane (who’s also Kahuna’s long lost brother) who wants to control the world using a mind controlling television program. As is a trend with movies we watch this movie has a low score on IMDB and Meta Critic (2/10 and 9% respectively) and only managed to gross around 9 million dollars on a 20 million dollar budget.

The movie is nothing special. It’s got awkward CG mouthed babies, a weird plot that involves WW2 research, and babies whose super powers run on imagination. I wouldn’t suggest you give this a watch… well unless you hate yourself, then feel free.


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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

This week the spinner chose Matt’s pick of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. I’m going to be upfront here, the movie is difficult to find through conventional means because both Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger‘s agents have done everything they could to bury this film. That being said you absolutely have to give this movie a watch because it’s not only most fun I’ve had recently watching a movie for the podcast but also quite possibly Matthew McConaughey’s best role to date.

The movie is your standard “Kids car breaks down and they’re tormented by evil rednecks” movie but with a few interesting twists such as:

– McConaughey’s redneck character has a robot leg that he controls with TV remotes. It’s never explained why or how.
– One of our redneck character only speaks in quotes from famous authors. That isn’t an exaggeration. Literally every line is a quote.
– Leatherface in the past has had hinted transvestism. That isn’t the case in this movie. They fully embrace it and to the family’s credit they all seem to support it. It’s never brought up.
– Somehow even the Illuminati is involved in the Leatherface murders. They apparently pay McConaughey and family to instill fear into people. Also the Illuminati leader has 3 pierced nipples and scarification… Don’t ask

I know I often say “Do yourself a favor and watch __________” but seriously track this movie down. It really is a seeing is believing type film and McConaughey is more over the top than Nick Cage throughout.


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Mortal Kombat Annihilation

This month on At Least You Tried we’re living dangerously. Instead of having a regular theme for the month each member of our little group is bringing a pick of their own each week and we’re putting them all on a spinner. This sounds simple and fun except we’re doing it with a bit of a “Russian roulette” type twist. Along with each of our pick’s we’re putting a “Bullet” pick on the spinner as well. These bullet picks¬† are going to be just some of the worst of the worst movies we can imagine. Week one’s bullet pick was “Freddy got fingered” and thankfully we avoided it.

The winner this week was Jonathan and his pick was Mortal Kombat Annihilation, a movie sitting at 3% on Rotten Tomatoes and fully deserving that rating. This movie is a train wreck and includes multiple instances of:

-Characters entering and leaving the movie at a rapid pace, clearly only put there to market toys. The whole roster is almost included.

-Awful CG animation put alongside live action. The original Mortal Kombat was no piece of art itself but this movie somehow manages to take a step backwards from the ridiculous CG of the original. We see multiple CG dragons eat fighters, burp, and even one skeletal dragon have it’s ass punched by Jax.

-Henchmen for an evil overlord armed only with sticks… Conquering Earth realm with sticks

This movie is a mess and while nostalgia helped us get through it I don’t recommend it to anyone who hasn’t played the video games or seen the original movie.


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Man with the screaming brain

We finished up March madness with Lance’s pick of Bruce Campbell in “Man with the screaming brain“. Bruce directed, wrote, and starred in this fun B movie. This movie is unlike the majority of the films we review in that it is intentionally a little cheesy. It’s campy and over the top and we love it for it.

Bruce plays a wealthy business man who is almost murdered but saved from death when a mad scientist combines his brains with a Russian taxi driver’s. The duo work together to find out what happened to them and get revenge on quite possibly the best movie villain we’ve seen. There are plenty of stabbings ahead.

This movie has it all. It has:
-Bruce Campbell (Reason enough really)
-A psychopathic woman who goes from zero to fatal attraction in the blink of an eye
-A female robot straight out of “I feel fantastic
-A dead body that shoots down a river like it was a log flume ride

Not a bad movie really and definitely one we here at At Least You Tried highly recommend, do yourself a favor and watch Man with the screaming brain.

 


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Hannibal

When you think of a sequel to Silence of the lambs you probably think of something gory filled with cannibalism and witty one liners from our titular cannibal… Well prepare for disappointment. This week on At Least You Tried we watched Hannibal.

This movie had so much going for it with Anthony Hopkins reprising his role as Hannibal and Ridley Scott as director but honestly it’s 2+ hours of movies with 2 or 3 notable scenes which include:

  • Hannibal feeding a crazed paraplegic man (Gary Oldman) to trained killer hogs
  • Hannibal feeding a back stabbing detective parts of the man’s own brain
  • A snooping Italian man get disemboweled and hung off a balcony

There we just saved you two hours of your life. Why not repay the favor and listen to us critique this snoozefest of a movie. It’ll take you less than half the time and if you laugh once that’s more laughs than this movie will provide.


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Vampire’s Kiss

What movie could possibly provide a crazier Nick Cage than “The Wicker Man“? Oh you simple ignorant fool…. Clearly you haven’t seen his early work in a little film called “Vampire’s Kiss

Well this month on At Least You Tried we are celebrating March Madness by watching films about crazy people.¬† In Vampire’s kiss Cage plays Peter Loew, a publishing executive that thinks he’s turning into a vampire.

In this wonderful little movie you will be treated to:

  • Cage running down a crowded street screaming “I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire!”
  • Cage yelling at his secretary and chasing her around an office
  • Cage buying cheap plastic fangs and wearing them as if they were genuine.
  • An amazing “bat attack” from the bat’s perspective
  • An explanation of how filing works, complete with Cage screaming the alphabet (picking up on a trend?)

This movie is an instant classic and the source of one of the internet’s longest lasting memes. I can think of no better film to start March Madness with than Vampire’s Kiss.


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Cradle of fear

We’ve come across a wonderfully awful movie this week under Matt’s suggestion, a little known horror anthology called “Cradle of fear“. If you’re a fan of Cradle of filth (aka either Matt or Richmond from the IT crowd) then you’re probably already aware of this movie.

Some special effects are timeless like the face melting Nazi in Raiders of the lost ark… The effects in cradle of fear are not like this at all, they are INCREDIBLY dated. The movie has worse CG animation than a windows screen saver. What it does have is excessive nudity and possibly the funniest/most awful fake websites in it’s last segment such as “ape rape.com”.

This movie has 4 loosely tied segments about people being murdered under plans from “The man” played by Dani Filth. These segments include:

  • A young goth party girl hits the club and finds her “Dark Prince” who impregnates her with a demonic hellspawn
  • Two would be burglars break into a deaf man’s home and things go south fast. The deaf man only repeats the statement “Give me back my teeth!” Pure gold
  • A kinky man with a stump leg isn’t happy with his situation and decides to steal another man’s leg and get it transplanted. The leg rebels and hilarious CG car antics ensue.
  • A man gets increasingly interested in extreme pornography especially snuff films. He stumbles across an interactive website that allowed him to inflict harm on anonymous victims…. in a shocking twist that no one saw coming, he ends up a victim himself

The movie is awful and wonderful. I didn’t expect to enjoy it but I did. If you manage to come across it have a few drinks and do yourself a favor.


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Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil’s son in law

This has been a great black history month on At least you tried. Today we end it with some PEAK BLACKNESS! We watched Petey Wheatstraw: The devil’s son in law. This was a instant classic for all of us. Kung fu, magic canes, and jive turkeys. With quotes like “romance without finance is a damn nuisance” how can you doubt this is a diamond in black movies?


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